One of the struggles of life is denying Self, not living for Self, and putting others before Self. We tend to get in our own way a lot in life. It is almost like the one thing we are all the best at without any practice or conscious effort. But I think the more we tend to be “Self”-conscious, the less clearly we can see our lives. I have been recognizing more and more where I have been unintentionally thinking about Self—what I would want, how I think things ought to work out, what I think would be good to do here—and it has been revealing various places where I have strayed onto the path of doing things my own way and disregarding how and where the Lord is leading me. I basically was prioritizing my wants and desires above following him.

But this pattern of my life does not coalesce with what I truly want. I have gotten away from living radically for him. I want to throw everything I am into serving God. I want to live with abandon and let God show me what I should do and then be willing to DO IT! I want to get to the point where I am not afraid to seriously consider “what if”—what if God calls me there, what if he asks me to do that, what if he tells me to give that up, what if he…. But are not these questions ones that we may not feel inclined to oblige. Most people like to throw around the idea that they would go anywhere and do anything for God. But it has been my experience within myself and through observing and talking with countless believers throughout my life that people like to answer God’s voice when it is something they feel comfortable answering or if it fulfills part of their life goals and personal liking.

Sure, people don’t feel comfortable necessarily moving to a new city and starting a church in a nice suburban area per se, but that calling is really not that uncomfortable compared to being called to work in the inner city with drug addicts, victims of sex-trafficking, the homeless, and other categories of individuals that our society has marginalized. In essence, how willing are we to follow a calling that takes us out of our “comfort zone” and maybe out of our preferred lifestyle, and puts us into the mess of the world with the people who really need help? I only know of less than a handful of people who I think would consider answering that sort of calling. I want to consider myself in that category, the category of a fearless follower and servant, but I still waver with the idea of being completely content dying to self in certain areas.

But I think it is this sort of partial-reserved and unsure attitude that is really a roadblock in recognizing and fulfilling a calling. Part of what I have been struggling with and have been actively working on is letting go of Self and holding on to only God. I believe in my heart that wherever he will take me is better than anywhere I could go myself. And anywhere I could go on my own is not a place I would want to be anyway. I want to be in the places where only God can take me, and I want to do the things that only God can make come to pass. This does not mean that God’s leading will always end up in international mission work, or inner city work, or out in the boonies of Montana somewhere pastoring a rural congregation.

God might call you to do some crazy, unthinkable, rely-on-him-every-step-of-the-way type of adventures. Or he might call you to work within your local area in a place that has been established but is stagnant and simply content with the status quo and needs new life breathed into it or new direction and vision. God can call you to be a catalyst for revival where you are or lead you across the world to bring the gospel to people who barely have anything in life and the Bible you give them might be the most precious and valuable thing they will have their entire life. God is not calling all of us to do earth-shattering and extravagant feats by the world’s standards, but he is calling each of us to do earth-shattering things according to kingdom standards.

Every form of kingdom work is an adventure and is exciting and will require trust and reliance on God for success. But most people like the idea of thrills and adventures in ministry, or being a “leader” and gaining notoriety, it is almost a romantic and prideful notion to them. However, the true servant cares not for anything except for the will of their master. So, are we ready to set aside the things we imagine serving God to be like and embrace the real form of a servant that God is calling us to be?

If we don’t give all of ourselves, then we can’t have all of him. There is not enough room for two agendas. So which will it be?

~JW